I had made a vow to live for God and stop living for me. But my only problem was I wasn't exactly sure where to start because I wasn't going to be able to do this on my own. So I did all I really knew to do. I continued to go to church every Sunday with my parents. I tried out a Sunday School class for people my age to try and connect somewhere. I was talking to God on a regular basis. I was doing everything that I had been taught to do my entire life. Remember I grew up in church & in a Christian family so I knew all the things to say and do.
Meanwhile, I was working full time for my uncle and in a working environment that I had never experienced before. Everyone was a believer of Jesus Christ. This was not a normal working environment for me. But it was exactly where I needed to be and exactly where God wanted me. I thought this was just a job but it turns out that in my first year and a half of working there my life was greatly impacted. I was now working with people that had such a passion for the Lord and it was written all over their face and showed in their actions. God was using them to minister to me and I'm not exactly sure they nor I had a clue. But who knows maybe they did.
In August of 2006, God brought another person into my life that would impact me far greater than I could have ever imagined. I was set up with B, a good friend of one of my co-workers. I kinda already knew him though b/c he and my best-friend had been great friends since high school. I was really apprehensive about going out with him though because I knew he was a very strong believer and even though I was a believer I was very far from where he was. He intimidated the crap outta me but I figured hey what the heck I'll give it a shot. On our first date he asked if he could pray before we started to eat. I agreed and he began to pray. But it wasn't just thanking God for our food, he was praying over our time spent together that night, and prayed over our conversation. Needless to say I was blown away. I had never been on a date where a guy had done that before. After our first date there was a second date, a third, and a forth. I was totally smitten.
As we continued to date, I left my home church and began to attend a more contemporary service with B. I absolutely loved the church. The worship was amazing and the messages I could really identify with. I even joined a small group for single females my age. It was something that was terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I knew no one in the group but knew that I needed to surround myself with other girls my age that were also believers. It ended up being one of the best decisions I ever made. God was even more real to me than ever before and I was learning what having a real relationship with Him is all about. It is far more than just attending church on Sundays. It is living your life for Him. Spending time with Him in His word. Sharing your fears, desires, worries, and your heart with Him. It is letting Him lead and you follow. It is listening for His commands and then following through. It is about a love like you have never experienced before. A love that is so great it is hard to wrap your brain around it but you embrace it b/c you can't imagine your life without it. It is about His grace for me & you even though we are undeserving. It is about Jesus Christ dying on the cross for you & for me so that we would be able to spend eternity with Him.
In a matter of weeks my world as I knew it had flipped upside down and it continued on that way for the next several months. B and I continued to date. We were spending every moment we could together and we were both falling for one another. I had never been in a dating relationship like what we had before. B challenged me in every area of my life and come to find out I like and need to be challenged. We would pray together about things going on in our lives, for our relationship, and for each other. Physical boundaries were set very early on; another thing that never been established in my past relationships. Most of our nights together were spent watching TV or a movie, or talking about anything and everything.
Yep, I had definitely fallen and fallen hard. We were in love. The M word was soon discussed and definitely prayed over. I had never been so sure about something in my life. Our relationship continued to develop & progress. Then in December, B came to me and said "we need to talk". Yes, the dreaded four words no one ever wants to hear. He informed me that he was having doubts and wasn't sure why but that he didn't feel that we should be together any longer. Talk about a punch in the gut. I sat there in shock not knowing what to say or do. I believe I may have cried a little b/c that's what I do, I cry. I am a crier. Our break-up lasted for a about 2 or 3 weeks and we were back together. This pattern continued until February of '07. By then, we both knew that it wasn't going to work and frankly I was tired of dealing with all of the yanking back & forth.
The three months of all of the back and forth were very tough. And in the past I would have ran as far away from God as I could. But you see something had changed in my life and that was my relationship with my Savior. Instead of running from Him I ran straight to Him. Straight into His arms and it was there that I was comforted and found peace. I knew that God had a plan for my life and that He wanted only the best for me. So all I could do was have faith. In January I attended Passion '07 here in Atlanta. I was challenged even more and my faith in the Lord grew to a greater depth. I spent the next year growing and learning more about God. And my relationship with Him continued to wow me every day.
Fast forward to today. I am still as passionate as ever about my relationship with the Lord and my faith in Him remains. I am now attending a different church here in Atlanta and I have found a home there. I have joined another single ladies small group and I also serve on the production team which I LOVE. I am still working for my uncle as well. And as I look back now at my relationship with B I thank God for it. God brought B into my life for a season and with purpose. B is an awesome guy, who loves and lives for the Lord, and he taught me a lot. And for that I am grateful. I am not a perfect person and I mess up constantly. But I know that God will never leave or forsake me. I am still learning and still growing...two things I will never get tired of doing.
And that is why it is by God's grace that I am here today.